How to show up in any room with a low heart rate: Silicon Valley’s missing etiquette playbook | Sam Lessin (1h 27m)

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• Release date: 2026-01-15
• Listen on Spotify: Open episode
• Episode description:

  Sam Lessin is a partner at Slow Ventures, a former VP of Product at Facebook, and a two-time founder who’s now teaching etiquette to Silicon Valley’s founders. In this unconventional episode, Sam explains why proper etiquette has become a vital skill for founders in 2026—especially as technology becomes more central to society and trust becomes harder to build. His etiquette book and courses have become surprisingly popular, teaching founders how to “show up in a room with a low heart rate” and quickly build trust.We discuss:Why etiquette mattersSam’s framework for showing up confidently, with a low heart rate, in any roomHow to navigate introductions, small talk, meetings, and meals like a proSimple hacks for remembering names and handling awkward social situations30+ specific etiquette tips—Brought to you by:10Web—Vibe-coding platform as an APIDX—The developer intelligence platform designed by leading researchersWorkOS—Modern identity platform for B2B SaaS, free up to 1 million MAUs—Episode transcript: https://www.lennysnewsletter.com/p/silicon-valleys-missing-etiquette-playbook—Archive of all Lenny's Podcast transcripts: https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fo/yxi4s2w998p1gvtpu4193/AMdNPR8AOw0lMklwtnC0TrQ?rlkey=j06x0nipoti519e0xgm23zsn9&st=ahz0fj11&dl=0—Where to find Sam Lessin:• X: https://x.com/lessin• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wlessin• Website: https://www.wlessin.com• Podcast: https://moreorlesspod.com• Lettermeme: https://lettermeme.com/lessin—Where to find Lenny:• Newsletter: https://www.lennysnewsletter.com• X: https://twitter.com/lennysan• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lennyrachitsky/—In this episode, we cover:(00:00) Sam’s background(04:18) The role of etiquette in business success(09:30) Introductions and entering a room(16:20) Engaging conversations and building relationships(23:55) Hygiene and dress code essentials(33:42) Dining etiquette(37:15) Tipping etiquette(41:36) The “B&D trick”(43:05) Humor in social settings(45:18) Self-deprecating humor(47:42) Winding down conversations(49:20) Scheduling etiquette(55:23) Communication and email etiquette(01:02:28) Meeting etiquette tips(01:04:03) Virtual meeting best practices(01:05:15) The importance of cleaning up after yourself(01:05:58) Exiting and follow-up etiquette(01:07:24) Final thoughts(01:09:20) AI corner(01:11:13) Contrarian corner(01:16:25) Lightning round—Referenced:• Y Combinator: https://www.ycombinator.com• Kleiner Perkins: https://www.kleinerperkins.com• “Lose Yourself” by Eminem on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/track/7MJQ9Nfxzh8LPZ9e9u68Fq• Alison Gopnik on Childhood Learning, AI as a Cultural Technology, and Rethinking Nature vs. Nurture: https://conversationswithtyler.com/episodes/alison-gopnik• Garry Tan on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/garrytan• Bain & Company: https://www.bain.com• Evernote: https://evernote.com• Calendly: https://calendly.com• Morning Brew: https://www.morningbrew.com• Cursor: https://cursor.com• The rise of Cursor: The $300M ARR AI tool that engineers can’t stop using | Michael Truell (co-founder and CEO): https://www.lennysnewsletter.com/p/the-rise-of-cursor-michael-truell• DigitalOcean: https://www.digitalocean.com• Cloudflare: https://www.cloudflare.com• SpaceX: https://www.spacex.com• Marc Andreessen on X: https://x.com/pmarca• Landman on Prime Video: https://www.amazon.com/Landman-Season-1/dp/B0D4D8RTMD• Dave Morin on X: https://x.com/davemorin...References continued at: https://www.lennysnewsletter.com/p/silicon-valleys-missing-etiquette-playbook—Production and marketing by https://penname.co/. For inquiries about sponsoring the podcast, email podcast@lennyrachitsky.com.—Lenny may be an investor in the companies discussed.

Summary

• 💼 Low Heart Rate Mindset: Etiquette builds trust via calm abundance, not scarcity; arrive early, stay composed in high-stakes rooms like VC parties.
• 🤝 Core Interaction Rules: Firm handshakes, repeat names, eye contact, introduce partners first; signal effort and respect.
• 🎾 Ping-Pong Conversations: Balance statements/questions, match vocabulary, leave wanting more; avoid monologues or inquisitions.
• 👔 Dress & Hygiene Basics: One level up, prioritize fit over brand/flash; subtle scent, appropriate video backgrounds.
• 🍽️ Dining & Follow-Up: Don’t order priciest, offer to pay/tip generously (20%+), napkin in lap, thank-you notes.

Insights

• How is VibeCoding pioneering no-code AI app building for complex sites?

  Time: 2:20 – 3:36

  Category: AI-Driven Innovation Economy, AI in Everyday Life

  Answer: 10Web’s VibeCoding generates full WordPress sites (ecommerce, blogs) via API, embeddable for SaaS/agencies, mirroring tools like Lovable but with plugins/hosting. (Start at 2:20)

• What developer insights does AI provide to measure engineering impact?

  Time: 3:36 – 4:16

  Category: AI in Workforce Disruption

  Answer: DX offers data on AI tool usage/productivity for orgs like Dropbox, answering value questions amid AI shifts. (Start at 3:36)

• Could an AI app end the confusion of modern tipping etiquette?

  Time: 39:23 – 41:10

  Category: AI in Everyday Life

  Answer: Sam envisions a geolocated app that scans bills and contexts to recommend tips instantly, solving variability in services like restaurants, end-of-year gifts, or installers amid shifting norms. (Start at 39:23)

• How can AI turn overwhelming newsletters into quick, engaging cartoon summaries?

  Time: 69:34 – 71:15

  Category: Cultural Creativity with AI, AI in Everyday Life

  Answer: Sam’s Letter Meme aggregates trusted newsletters, uses AI to distill key insights, and generates a daily cartoon grid for at-a-glance news consumption, built initially with VibeCoding tools. (Start at 69:34)

• Why treat AI like the cloud or internet – as essential infrastructure, not a startup revolution?

  Time: 71:17 – 75:52

  Category: AI-Driven Innovation Economy, AI Investment Trends

  Answer: AI supercharges existing businesses like past tech shifts but lacks ‘Terra Nova’ scarcity; pure AI plays risk narrative collapse, while AI-enabled cultural/security tools thrive. (Start at 71:17)

• Why are seed investments in ‘AI companies’ likely to underperform dramatically?

  Time: 71:25 – 76:06

  Category: AI Investment Trends, AI-Driven Innovation Economy

  Answer: Sam Lessin argues that AI startups are highly capital-intensive and prone to commoditization, yielding poor returns even for leaders like OpenAI (only ~25x for seeds at massive valuations); true winners use AI as infrastructure in non-AI businesses, not as the core product. (Start at 71:25)

• Can ChatGPT chat histories unlock more authentic AI-powered dating matches?

  Time: 79:02 – 81:35

  Category: AI in Everyday Life

  Answer: JuneDate analyzes users’ AI interactions to create detailed personality profiles for matching, going beyond superficial swipes to reveal true compatibilities and even simulate dates. (Start at 79:02)

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